And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Still dying that you shit outside
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
