I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
