Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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