thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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