well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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