Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
