it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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