imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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