after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's like heaven, but drunker
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
