I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
