Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
