i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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