eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
