I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
