I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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