oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize