i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
