I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
