I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
