No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I AM VODKA MAN
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
