I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
