dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
