They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
