I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
