Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize