Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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