That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
