I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
