My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
