then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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