You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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