Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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