The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
