this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
