if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
