Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
