so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
