I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We left an ass print on the piano.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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