Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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