We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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