Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
