She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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