OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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