I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
