Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
