and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
