I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
