Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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