sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize