I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
