I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
