for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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