im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
