I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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