god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
