I'm sorry my penis didn't work
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
