You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
