He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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