The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
