Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
