Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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