3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
