I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
