he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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