Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize