Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize