She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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