It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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