We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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