I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
