What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
