I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
