farters have to be the big spoon...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
