He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
