I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize